A Good Advice On Marriage.

source:  Love Story From A Male Perspective

I read this article on a blog via Facebook. It is a good reminder for every husbands to cherish their wives for the rest of their lives. A good reminder for me as well as a new husband. ;)

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again.  You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

The Pity Face

I am currently at the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri waiting for my Setem Hasil. I will be leaving for a 6 months course next week and I am now finalizing the agreement.

Sitting right in front of me is an old lady trying to fill up her form. I don't know why, but I do feel so sorry for her, without any logic reason. It's just her face that made me feel so. Everything she did make me even feel more sorry. I wish I could help her fill the form, send it to the counter and send her home. Haha. I know it sounded so wrong! She is not even handicapped, she can fill the form well.

Some people have this pity face. It is actually an advantage that people will be nice to you. My eldest sister also has this kind of face. But as I said, it is good for her.

But still, I really wish that makcik I met just now well.

Gwiyomi?

Apekebende semua orang cakap pasal gwiyomi nih?

Gwiyomi ni sebenarnye lagu, tapi dengan mimik-mimik muka yang comel. Then banyak laa orang dok tiru worldwide neh pasal gwiyomi nye gesture ni.

Tapi kalau tengok video-video gwiyomi ni kat youtube seriously addicted weh.

Mungkin owner lagu ni dah bomoh siap-siap lagi ni bagi addicted. Baru-baru ni Nora Danish pon buat Gwiyomi... Nora nora... dah comel buat lagi comel.

Wawa Zainal pun buat. Tapi tak kenal lah wawa zainal ni... orang kata pelakon..

me>

Dan ni yang comel jugak...

Macam Siti Sifir dok mengajar mengira pun ada bila pikir balik.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Reunion?

The past week, the photo above caught everyone's attention and has been an internet frenzy to many. The way I see it that there would be a reunion on next year's thanksgiving, as what they would always did in the show, the thanksgiving dinner. Arh, How I wish it was true.

Unfortunately, it is not. The creator of the show denied the rumor, as well as Chandler (Matthew Perry) and the beautiful Rachel (Jennifer Aniston). But I guess it is for the good. It is better to leave the show with many speculations what would happen next to the 6 awesome characters. Some might want what would be on the possible reunion, but some may be disappointed as it does not turn out to be their own expectation. 

Friends is ultimately the best comedy series so far. Friends may not be the funniest, but the value of family, friendship, love and togetherness make it one of its kind.

They stop the show when it was at its peak, and since then fans (including me) have been waiting for a reunion. But as much as I wanted it to happen, I guess it is for the best to let the series end as it was, and remain as one of the legendary show.

The return of BIG thing does not necessarily be the best option to regain fame or fortune. Michael Schumacher for example, he returned to the F1 circuit after years when he decided to retire. But his return was not a success, only a couple of podium without any win, he then decided to retire once again. At that moment, some people (not all) would have forgotten that he was actually a legend, with a whopping 7 times world champion.

I am hoping the return of Star Wars would be as good as the previous one, if not it will totally be a bummer.

A legend should stay a legend.

The Bro Code : Ted Mosby Theory.

Guys, this is Ted Mosby. Why I would like my guy friend to know him, especially those singles guy friends, no... it is not because that I thought you may like him and print a poster of him on the wall... but because of the principles that he hold to with friendship. Actually, he is only a character in How I Met Your Mother, if you know... 

Ted Mosby is the guy who tell the stories on how he met his wife to his kids. He has a gang of close friends, a couple of Marshall and Lily, then Barney and Robin, who both ended together and got married as well. So yeah, he is surrounded by couples, and yet, he is the only one who remain single till the end of the season of the series. But why do I make him an example in my version of Bro Code, he stick with his friends, even when they are all married. He try to tag himself along and be apart of the growing family when Marshall and Lily started having a child, even sometimes he feel alone. But he will always be in the loop and eventually, he became a family as well.

I know when someone got married, the single guy friends, especially the close one would keep a distance to give space as he might thought that he will be no longer needed as a wife is already there from his friend, but the fact is that a guy friend, will always be a guy friend. Some things could only be shared with a guy friend. So, just tag along. Well, to tag along 24-7 is not cool laa kan as the friend is married, but keep yourself in the loop always. I am sure, till the day when you find the right girl, you'll still have the friend. And the friend will still need you in his life.

"You can ask the universe for signs all you want, but ultimately we'll only see what we want to see... when we're ready to see it. - Ted Mosby

Clothes You Should NEVER Wear.

I was surfing on the web when I found this photo. 

I've seen Justin Bieber wore this before, then again, and again. Then I found this actress Halle Berry also wore it. And I just want to say that this pants, which is called the Harem Pants by the way, is completely, utterly ridiculous. At this moment, this is the number 1 thing on my list of clothes that you should never wear. Seriously Bieber boy, that is so so so so so so not cool. 

Nama pon harem, harem! Blergh. Macam ikan kembung pun ada tengok rupenye.

The Iron Lady.

Almost everyone in this world knows her.

She was the Prime Minister of Great Britain for more than a decade, re-transformed it to a powerful industrialized country. She remained close relationship with the United States that ended the cold war with the Soviets. She even brought the country into war with Argentina in 1982 if I'm not mistaken to regain Falkland.

She was a determined leader. She changed the atmosphere of the political world and also, the economy. Many might not agree with the decisions made during her era, but no one could ever deny her successful, iconic and impressive achievement that she had brought. She is truly a legend, a titan of the modern world, she is indeed, The Iron Lady.
She will be remembered. 

Margaret Thatcher, 1925 - 2013.

Talker or Typist?

Hellooooo people.

Did you know I was a winner of Speed Master competition by Maxis? But that was 10 years ago, and I know it is not valid to be proud of anymore, hehe. And that is not why I write this post even. Blergh.

If you ask me to choose a phone plan, I would go for plan that gives me more text messages and data plan for whatsapp, rather than phone calls. I never like talking on the phone. I would spend most of my time with "ermmm...", "eh.....", "ooooowh...", or worst, completely silent. With my wife even, I guess she spend the most time talking, while I rest my ear listening.

Texting is a better way of communicating. I can reply when I have the answer, I can reply when I am free to. Kan? Even when I am not around or asleep, the message will remain there for me to read. But I know it is not the absolute way, texting still has its own weaknesses, eg, timing of urgency and emotions. But still, texting is the best way kot, it's fun, it's reliable, save more time and cost effective. Right?

Hmmm, now I wonder, what makes me write this post? Sendiri pon tatau. 

Saja lama tak update kot.

Kbai.

Re-managing Life.

Some of you might not know that I've switched my job 3 years ago. The main reason was not the job itself, because, I truly do loved my previous job, but it was the life I was living. The life just could not lead me to the day a I wish I could be.

Years upfront... I would love to have kids, living a moderate family life. I want to send my kids to school every morning, fetch them in the afternoon, have dinner together with the whole family chatting on what was up on that day, doing some work on the laptop while accompanying the kids doing their homework, maybe went shopping with my wife at night or during weekend, going for a playground activities on Sunday morning, 'lepaking' at my parents' or in laws house on holidays. I know that might be a life that is no longer in existence in our galaxy, but that is my absolute aim. To be reliable, every time, everywhere, for family.

Today, I no longer work at night as much as I did, I no longer work during weekends. But sometimes, there are lots and lots to think about work that I forget often, especially anything that is related to family. Physically I am there, but my mind is not. Letting the job and task in the way also does not help so much. I could not assist help from family as time does not let me to.

I know, these are all excuses and It's time to make some changes in life. From this day forward, I will put my activities with family on my schedule, together with all the meeting I have, but family will comes first. Always. I will be home early and be more productive at work so I don't drag the time to complete any task. 

Yes Jaffrey, it's time to change! Don't take anyone for granted.

Tips-tips menjadi pengapit lelaki yang berjaya.

Tengok tak 27 dresses yang Katherine Heigl berlakon tu? Yang dia dok jadi pengapit sampai ke sudah... Tapi takde laa ke sudah, in the end dia kawen jugak. Saya takde laa sampai 27 kali jadi pengapit, tapi 6 kali pun dah cukup banyak ler. Kebanyakkan orang mesti pikir renyah gila nak kena jadi pengapit, kene pegang payung la, kene lap pengantin la, kene pakai baju melayu satu sut la, pastu orang pressure tanya bila ko pulak nak kawen kan... anyhow, semua tu betul jugak. But then, it is still a proud moment bila kawan ko pilih ko jadi bestman dia on his special day kan. Means, you're someone kan.

Walaupun 6 kali jadi pengapit takde la banyak, tapi saja la nak share kan tips-tips untuk jadi pengapits yang berjaya, profesional dan awesome:-

1. Hensem macam mana pun ko, masa kenduri, ko tak boleh lagi hensem dari pengantin. Kalau boleh masa ada bergambar tu ko pose la gaya tak hensem, terjelir lidah keluar ke, rambut serabaikan.. Hehe. Tak boleh blah letak ni sebagai tips nombor 1 kan...

2. Bawak tisu or handkerchief dalam baju melayu blah atas. Biasanya poket atas ni ko letak sekali henpon pengantin tu, pasal biasanya memang banyak orang call dia time tu.

3. Masa kenduri, make sure ko dah ada girlpren. Kalau ko takde girlpren, make sure pengapit pompuan tu single jugak. 

4. Oh ye, kalau kawan ko ambek pakej kat ko, maknanye ko jadi pengapit masa nikah ngan sanding skali... masa nikah make sure ko bawak sarung angpow extra mana tau pengantin lupa bawak untuk bagi tok kadi ngan saksi. Ni tanggungjawab wajib untuk pengapit ingatkan pengantin masa nikah.

5. Cakap pasal nikah, ko jangan lupa study soalan-soalan lazim tok kadi biasa tanya, mana tau pengantin tak dapat jawab, ko bleh jadi hero tolong jawabkan. Nanti mesti pengapit pompuan tgk ko dengan bangga, "wow, hebat pengapit laki ni, harap-harap dia single". 

6. Masa tengah sanding, laki biasanya dok sebelah kanan. Bila ko dah ada belah kanan, pegang kipas guna tangan kanan jugak. Kalau guna tangan kiri nampak macam terlalu bersahaja. Masa kipas tu jugak, make sure sync dengan pengapit pompuan kipas.

7. Masa lap pengantin, jangan lap macam guna tuala baru lepas mandi. Touch up touch up je jangan rosak mekap. Hehe.

8. Masa dok makan tu, potongkan laa ayam untuk pengantin, takut baju pengantin kotor lak kalau dia yang potong sendiri. Kalau pengantin ko tu makan udang, nasib ko laa nak kopek udang pulak kan. Kalau durian lak atas meja pengantin, hambek kau...

9. Bukan je ada tisu, barang-barang lain yang mungkin boleh ada dalam poket pengapit adalah  pin, moisturizer, perfume (yang takde alkohol pasal biasanya pengantin akan sembahyang sunat lepas nikah).

10. Kalau boleh, pengapit datang awal, pastu pengapit balik lambat. Nampak komitmen ko kat kenduri tu sebagai orang penting.Mana tau tiba-tiba mak pengantin nak kenalkan kat anak pompuan dia pulak kan...

11. Kalau ko dibayar lebih daripada biasa, ko tolong la plan kan bachelor party untuk pengantin. Hehe... Pergi laa genting ke, pantai ke... bukan strip club ye. bukan...

12. Kalau pengantin tu pagi-pagi dia kena pergi tempat mak andam untuk pakai baju ngan sampin, kalau sempat pegi ikut sekali pasal biasanya pengapit memang kena tolong pegang tempat-tempat yang sepatutnya mak andam tu pegang. Haha.

Huh. Kalau elaborate lagi ni boleh buat buku kot. 

Jadi sesapa yang berminat untuk ambik kursus pengapit, boleh laa contact kat email. kat blog ni pun boleh. Hehe.

Kepada semua pengantin yang dah ambik perkhidmatan saya, tengkiu laa ye. Hehe. Sorry kalau ada salah dan kurang.

Dah kepada pengapit-pengapit saya, tengkiu jugak sudi jadi pengapit dan melayan kerenah saya. :-)